How the Pandemic Forced Me To Hack My To-Do List and We Both Came Away Stronger
2020 is pushing us to reimagine, reframe and retool just about everything. This is a story about how the pandemic impacted something I truly love and care about, my to-do list. I’ll admit that I am someone with a deep need for feeling productive. It takes a bit more effort for me to intentionally unplug and relax than it does to fall into a flow of activity. Shamefully, I admit that I have been known to write down small items on my to do list right after completing them just to get the dopamine hit of crossing them off. Am I the only one? I didn’t think so.
This year has had a way of putting everything under a microscope so we can see better what’s working and not working. Since I was always described as efficient and responsible, I just assumed my system was running smoothly. Pre-pandemic, I was setting yearly goals that I would check in on roughly quarterly. Each day in the morning, I would write down everything I needed to get done in the day. As the day wore on, I would add to the list, cross off accomplishments, and transfer today’s leftovers to the top of tomorrow’s to-dos.
A straightforward plan that incorporated both short and long range goals and responsibilities, right? I’ll admit that it took a global crisis for me to understand how and why this system was lacking. There were two major outcome problems. First, I struggled talking about my long term dreams and vision which made it difficult to take advantage of specific help and directed support from mentors. Second, the minute I had a bad day, I was staring at a blank page in the notebook, never wrote down any to-dos, and ended the day feeling incompetent.
In March of this year when lives were turned upside down, every day became that blank sheet of paper and instead of feeling productive and accomplished, I was reeling, running from fire to fire, and struggling mentally and emotionally not being able to put them all out. For context, my little family unit consists of two working parents and two small children 8 and almost 3. I acknowledge that we had and still have a lot of resources and support and for that I’m grateful. Despite that, the status quo in early pandemic days was overwhelm and anxiety. The to-do list that used to bring me joy? That was exposed as a faulty system based on its full and total collapse under pressure so I recognized it was in need of a significant redesign.
As with any redesign, it happened in stages and with iteration, but I will spare you the gory details and explain where I landed and the fundamentals behind why I think it’s working.
On a daily basis I instituted a simple system that’s less of a list and more of an intention setting practice. As soon as I wake up, I decide for myself what is one thing that would make today successful. Sometimes the one thing has its roots in a professional goal, sometimes not. Once I choose that “one thing,” I identify how it connects with one of my core values. Here are a few real life examples stated as “one thing” : personal value.
Maintain deep presence in my client calls : service, integrity
Take a 60 minute walk : health, stability
Play a game with my daughters : family
Once that is anchored in my mind, I go about my day. Occasionally I still pull out a piece of paper if I need to brain dump a few to-dos that I just don’t want to be carrying around so I can make space for remembering the “one thing.” At the end of the day, I reflect briefly on how that “one thing” went.
This is been successful for me, I presume, for a few reasons. Asking myself, what will I do to make today a success instead of what do I have to get done today immediately takes me to a place of choice and options vs. requirements and obligations. Connecting the one thing to my core values reminds me why the goal is meaningful and increases my motivation to fulfill it. Limiting this practice to one thing creates focus and gives me a strong guidepost to return to in the midst of days that sometimes go in completely unexpected and unintended ways. I often do much more than the one thing but reflecting on the intention at the end of the day turns doing something meaningful into the prize instead of crossing off a bunch of things on a list.
As I reflect in the evening and set a new intention the next morning, I build momentum and confidence in the face of overwhelm and I am able to see how each day strings together and is connected to and in service of a larger vision. Viktor Frankl, psychologist and author of the renowned “Man’s Search for Meaning,” suggests that finding a meaningful life is a very personal endeavor. Perhaps there is no grand meaning of life, there is just what is meaningful to you. My daily practice allows me to see more clearly what I’m doing, why, and what does it all mean in the context of my individual life and work.
In order to reframe my longer term goals, I tapped into work by Richard Boyatzis and colleagues in the book “Helping People Change.” What I realized I was doing in my prior annual goal setting, was synthesizing what I thought others either wanted or would be impressed by me achieving. Boyatzis suggests that there are two types of mind-states one can be in when designing vision. He calls them Positive Emotional Attractor (PEA) and Negative Emotional Attractor (NEA). A simple way of grasping it is thinking about renewal associated with the parasympathetic nervous system (PEA) and stress associated with the sympathetic nervous system (NEA). The thesis is, in PEA, you invoke curiosity and imagination in order to fully tap into vision and dreams of what’s possible. In the past I was using NEA for my long term goals and letting the “shoulds” take control.
If I were to simplify these concepts even further I would call them expand and contract. I choose that language to neutralize the positive/negative associations because ultimately both states of being, stress and renewal, are essential, they’re just useful at different times. Stress is your friend when you want to buckle down and finish something (contract) and the renewal mode (expand) is what helps us not only survive but also thrive. This framework and understanding helped me intentionally shift out of the land of should and into the wide open field of desire. Now, when I think long range, it’s not about goals, it’s about dreams and the difference is that my face lights up when I get a chance to think or talk about it. I allow myself to adjust and revise my long term vision anytime I like (expand) and when I’m thinking about what my week looks like and what’s the one thing to focus on every day (contract), I remind myself how it’s connected to the vision.
I don’t suffer under the illusion that this new system will be my last redesign, but I’m fairly certain I have quite a bit more resiliency than I did before. While this is also not a prescription, I’ll leave you with the two concepts that I believe are at the core of its efficacy:
Find meaning in your day to day.
What is adding meaning to my life and what is draining it?
How will I choose to orient my actions in alignment with my personal values?
Understand how and why to shift between expanding and contracting states of mind.
Can I extract the “shoulds” out of my long term goals?
What are my true personal dreams for my life?