Why Change Is So Hard and What to Do About It
Everyone I know has experienced change lately. Working from home, schooling at home, businesses closing, jobs eliminated, there have been countless changes we’ve been asked to endure and with that, comes a separate and important process: transition.
William Bridges in his book Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes, introduces the distinction between transition and change. Change is something that happens outside of you and transition is the messy and often difficult internal process that one goes through to integrate that change. Bridges proposes there are three stages to transitions:
1. Ending — where you say goodbye to the old way of being and potentially grieve what is no longer.
2. Neutral Zone — When you can no longer rely on the old but have not fully settled into the new, you are in a potentially disorienting “in-between” space.
3. Beginning — When you are able to take your first tentative steps into the new way of being.
I use the phrase “way of being” because in my observations, what makes transitions so complicated is how they relate to identity.
In a personal example, I recently made a career shift out of a corporate role at a large retailer and into running my own independent coaching practice. As I was transitioning out of a career that I had made a 15 year investment in, my processes was years long. My ending occurred when I reached a point where I could no longer identify a next step on my current path. My identity was wrapped up in being an achiever with a string of promotions and moves within the business. Once I realized there wasn’t another promotion or move that I was desiring, I began exploring my options if I were to make a change. No transition is one size fits all and individuals move through the stages at different speeds. I spent most of my time in the ending phase mired in self inquiry. What would make me happy to do next? What are my strengths that if I leverage further, I could be of greatest service? What decisions for my professional life would best integrate my family’s well-being? Ultimately, I had to try on a few different options to see what would stick. Even after I found coaching and began my formal training, I still had trouble envisioning a life different than what I had grown accustomed to. It wasn’t until I was talking to a fellow coach familiar with this work and I was describing the feeling of losing my old identity but not having anything to replace it with she said, “Ah! you’re in the neutral zone.” That observation freed me up to embrace the discomfort I was feeling as a natural part of the process. The actual change, for me, happened in that neutral zone when I eventually did part ways with my old company and I was able to jump whole-heartedly into the beginning of my new venture.
My “change” happened in the middle of my transition but for many people, it happens at the start. Any change, large, small, personal or professional can potentially set off this process of internal transition. I found it helpful to understand the process so that I could give myself grace as I moved through it. Understanding the path of transition also empowers leaders to understand and support what is often uncomfortable. Some questions you might ask yourself:
If you are leading change in your organization, what will you do to support the people who will have to go through this transition?
If you have personally just experienced a change, how might you reflect on how it triggers your concept of your identity?
If there is a change that you know you want to make, what will you do to plan your transition step by step to best prepare yourself?
If you find yourself in the neutral zone, what will you do to support yourself or get support from others?
When we understand what the phases of transition look like, we are empowered to embrace the unknown and step boldly into a life’s work of growth and development for ourselves and our organizations.